Adventures in Fatherhood: Just when I thought the quarantine was over...

A week or so ago I posted my last great misadventure about my Griswald "vacation" down in Brown County with our sick boys. On the comment board, Dana, one of our faithful readers from Florida, coined the phrase "Adventures in Fatherdom". I liked it so much I decided that such posts do deserve a variation of that great title. Thanks, Dana!

Ever have one of those days when it can't seem to get any worse, and yet, it's so early in the day, you can only hope you're right? Yesterday morning was one of them.

I mentioned in yesterday's post that my alarm clock was little Markus Malarkus crying in his bed. Jean went to get him and brought him into our bathroom where he proceeded to throw up on the floor. And so the cycle of sickness that had started last Monday and Tuesday began again. She cleaned him up and put him in bed with me. (This is the one aspect of sickness I do like--our kids tend to want to snuggle with me more--which is my love language. :)

Jean headed off to work. Mark was feeling better, wandering around hugging his sippy cup. Andrew was settled in watching a little Curious George. Caleb was still sleeping, and I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. Things were looking good.

And then Mark waddled into the bathroom sporting a cute little post-projectile smile and carrying Jean's cell phone. As I reached for it, the all-too-familiar foul smell came wafting from his back side. So I reached down to pick him up and then I saw it--a steady line of diarrhea running from our bathroom out the bedroom door. Cue the gag reflex! (Breathe, Breathe...)

Andrew was standing there, so I had him throw me a towel which I quickly wrapped around Mark and hustled him off to the changing table. When I opened his diaper I literally found a lake floating in there. (Breathe, Breathe...) It was disgusting! (As I think I've mentioned before, I'm NOT a poop guy, in any form!)

I managed to get Mark cleaned up and went to throw what was left of the diaper in the garbage can in the kitchen, which happened to be spilling over. As I pulled the bag out of the can, there was a hole in the bottom. So, we could now add rotten egg yokes all over the kitchen floor to the mess. Meanwhile, as I quickly revert into triage mode, Andrew's yelling, "Daddy, I'm hungry!" Aaahhh!!

I held Andrew off and then put the tracking skills I've honed in the backwoods of Indiana to work. It didn't take long to determine that Mark had covered a lot of ground with his brown waterlogged diaper. The line of "surprises" ran all the way from our bathroom, through our bedroom, into the hallway and out into the living room. (Breathe, breathe...)

I spent the next 15 minutes scrubbing the carpet, praying that Jean's mom and dad (who were coming to babysit) wouldn't walk in the front door and find me on my knees in my underwear. (It isn't until you scrub the carpet that hard that the cleaned spots reveal just how dirty the rest of your carpet is.) Fortunately, Jean's parents didn't get here before I was able to get dressed and ready to head off to work.

But the whole time I kept thinking, please don't make me sing, "This is the day, this is the day...that the Lord has made!" Is this one of those "trials of many kinds" that the apostle James says I'm supposed to be thankful for? Do I really need any more character building experiences? (After all, I did grow up in the Crane boot camp!)

Truth be told, as hard as it is to admit, there will be a day when I wish our boys were still small enough for me to hold and comfort when they get sick. So, I'd better savor these moments while I still can, even the sour ones.

And more importantly, I do find conciliation in the fact, that there will also come a day when I will be 89 years old, ready for the looney bin, and waddling around their home wearing my Depend diaper and returning the favor. :)  Life is good!

UPDATE: BTW, when I talked to Jean about the fiasco this morning, she explained to me that this is why she keeps Mark in a sleeper onesie all the time. It's all about containment. :)

Comments

[Greg]

Just when you think things can't get...funnier, crazier and realistic. John, the thought of you cleaning up after Mark while in your skivvies hoping your in-laws don't show on time is great. I'm laughing with you. I can somewhat understand this situation.

[Mandy Leech]

The only thing that would make it a better story is if the boys locked you out of the house in your state of undress.

[John]

I shudder to think of it! :)